All rise for the arrival of the Queen!

Serene, the Queen of Bedok, extends her royal welcome to all her loyal subjects at this car park. All rise...

Dino-Demolition

Personal Description or Job Title?

Spotted the sender's job title in a Christmas card I received from a printing company - not even an insurance or medical industry. What gives?

When you can't afford to scout for talent...

Shame on SBS Transit!

Organized Crime legalized in Singapore

Hey! Isn't that Mas Selemat in the lead?

What's the alcohol content?

Redundant question of the day:
What's the alcohol content for this beer?

We're friends. But are we associated?

There's nothing like camaraderie for a good ole legal game of Mahjong.

Spotted along Beatty Road.

Mr. Super Chong

Could this be a fengshui name?

From a poster for a ballroom dancing performance. This couple was the special guest performance. Must be a super-duper dancer... this Chong guy.

Most overused conversation fillers

Have you ever noticed how people start or pepper their conversations with these words and phrases? What does it mean for the person who is receiving the message?)

1. Apparently (so I'm an idiot and cannot see what is apparent?)
2. Actually (now i you're telling me the truth)
3. Honestly (so you've been cushioning me from reality)
4. Frankly speaking... (you mean you have been lying to me up till now?)
5. Don't mind me saying but... (what if I mind?)
6. I so... (so you is an American?)

Can you think of any others?

Do you smoke?

You'll soon find out... as soon as I light up here.



Designated Smoking Area of a vegetarian restaurant.

I cut you!

Overheard in the hair salon

Hairdresser to a customer who is waiting for his turn:
"I cut auntie first ok? Then I cut you."

Three Character Classic

Well... not exactly the Three Character Classic but definitely three words at a time.

Overheard at the cashier of a clothing store:

Cashier: Want join member?
Customer: Member got what?
Cashier: Member got point.
Customer: Point do what?
Cashier: Point exchange things
Customer: I dun want
Cashier: Forty-one dollars please
Customer (digging into purse after giving cashier a $50 note): Give you coin...
Cashier: Ten your change

Customer walks off...

Gulp! I'm next.

Do you hear what I hear?

My friend went to Burger King for lunch and developed a listening ear from a value meal:

Deconstructive Criticism

Overheard at IKEA...

Woman A: Want to try?
Woman B: It's not cooked right?
Woman A: It's cooked wan. It's smoked salmon.
Woman B: OK. Let me try a bit.

Woman A (puts salmon to nose): Smells like fish! (eats salmon) Aiyoh! So salty. You better be careful. So salty can get sick wan you know.
Woman B: Your meatballs also very unhealthy what. A lot of fat you know.
Woman A: But salt worse. Can get high blood pressure.
Woman B: Aiyah... never always eat so it's OK.
Woman A: I also never always eat here. My husband lah. His favourite!
Woman B: My husband also! I scold him. He eat so many unhealthy things...

And so it became a husband-bashing session...

By the way, choping is alive and well at IKEA cafe, albeit with classier-looking packages:

Chinatown's Toots Thielemans?

You never know who you might bump into at Chinatown.

Note the red and blue hair. I wonder if he colored it himself.

I want tomorrow now!

Client to Copywriter: "When can I see the draft of the event report for the newsletter?"

Copywriter: "End of next Monday?"

Client: "No. I want it today. I need to show it to my boss to get his approval."

Copywriter: "Er... but the event's this Friday. So I can't interview guests for their comments and do a report of the event until the event happens right?"

Client: "I don't care. I want the draft by the end of today. This the way we always work. Other agencies have done this for us before. So why can't you?!"

Sweetest Taboo

Heard on the radio today...

"Hello DJ, I'd like to wish my friend Nora very happy 10th wedding anniversary!"

"And what song would you like me to play?"

"Tragedy by the BeeGees"

What makes the world oscillate

A friend of mine has a sister who is a nurse. One day, she was switching on the standing fan in her sitting room when her nurse-sister shouted from across the room, "Or-see-late! Or-see-late!"

My friend went, "What?!"

Sister shouted, "OR-SEE-LATE!"

Friend went, "Huh?!!"

Sister went, "OR-SEE-LATE! Make the fan turn lah!"

Turns out that nurse-sister is used to seeing the word "Oscillate" on the switches of fans in the hospitals.

Pained Sour Face

Oops! I've seen it again. That face. That kind of face.

Recently, I sold my old SLR camera to a shop that collects these for resale. Of course I know it's only pure business sense for the owner to buy my camera at as low a price as I can bear so that they can resell it for a much higher profit. Then... deja vu, could it be the face that I once knew?

It never fails to to amuse me – that pained sour face in the owner – looking like a suffering soul, appealing to my sentiments in the hope that I would sell my goods at her price! If I give in, I get a faint smile, followed by the same pained look and a very grateful look.

But if I don't, I can expect that indignant look that says, "See if you can get it at a better price else!?"

The bargaining continues and I realise I've taken that pained sour face myself!

Just because I am legally married does not mean I am actually married

"So you ROM oradi?"
READ: "Have you registered your marriage at the Registry of Marriages [ROM]?
"Ya. 3 months oradi."

"So when you getting married?"

"Having my customary probably next year. Also must see when my flat come lor..."

"Oh, but you take wedding photo all oradi?"

"Ya. Take oradi. Now can eat again."

Yet another session of small talk at the office pantry. Perceived or not, there IS a difference between being married in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of all your family, relatives, ancestors, Gods and spirits.